Thursday, September 23, 2010

Just Sit There and Look Pretty

Debi at Emma Tree has offered a challenge to respond to the phrase "Just sit there and look pretty."  As soon as I read her challenge I knew I had to participate, because pretty and I have a troubled past.  

I don't think I am unusual.  Pretty is something I have alternately rejected and longed to be.  I have allowed my self esteem to be bound up in pretty.  Smart and funny and creative and caring are in there, too, but they don't cause me nearly as many problems as pretty.

In a few weeks I'll turn 43, and what do I think of pretty as I introduce her to middle age?  Well, I don't think they'll get along very well either, but I'll tell you one thing, smart and funny and creative and caring just keep getting better and better all the time.


In response to Debi's challenge I decided to make a paper collage, and as I cut and pasted, this image of Rapunzel emerged from the clippings and flowery bits.  I have long studied and taught the history of fairy tales; they are part of who I am.  Like many girls, I was raised on them.  Of course, in the 70's there were far fewer Disney versions, so I actually read many, many fairy tales from books.  These days there are countless new versions of tales, including the retellings that are meant to empower girls rather than make them feel like damsels in distress. 
And yet, the old tales persist.  In some, the female protagonists were actually quite powerful, but in others, like poor Rapunzel here, they were passive characters around which everything revolved.  Rapunzel just sits in that tower day after day, letting her long golden braid down for the evil witch to climb.  Eventually the prince discovers her and shimmies on up to her tower, but Rapunzel's job throughout the story is to sit there in the tower (and then later in the wilderness) and look pretty.  She is rewarded for all the pretty sitting with a happily ever after of her very own.  

I recall many Rapunzel nights in my youth, sitting by the phone (which was, of course, attached to a wall by a cord, so I might as well have been in a tower) for some prince of a boyfriend to call.  In fact, I remember an awful lot of time in my youth wasted on wanting to be prettier.  And now that I'm heading into the age when I could be labeled a "cougar" or a "matron" or some other equally ugly tag depending on how I choose to dress, I still waste time and money on special creams and lotions and potions to make me appear youthful.  Maybe I no longer identify with the young heroines of fairy tales.  Maybe now I am the evil queen in Snow White, asking my mirror who is the fairest of them all, whipping up concoctions made of roots and leaves and spider's legs.  Which leads me to this question: notice how the older women in so many (but not all) fairy tales are depicted as evil while the young girls are good?  I think this has everything to do with power.  We are not evil; we are powerful, and that can be frightening, even threatening to others who would like us to sit there and look pretty.  

As women age, we become forces of nature, full of wisdom and strength.  No tower can contain us, no king can control us.  We are the makers our own ever afters.  


Go check out Debi's amazing blog for links to others who are participating in this challenge!  xo    

  

39 comments:

  1. oh yeah. yeah! i am older than you and it is odd to move into that, but powerful indeed. and apparently helpless in the face of creams which promise so much - LOL! my computer has me running late this a.m. - MY post will be up late this morning. we moved along similar paths with this and arrived in not-too-different places.

    thank you for joining in with this!

    xoxo
    Debi

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  2. You have such a beautiful site here.

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  3. this is such a glorious post! i always loved the evil queen in snow white. i think it was because queen sounded so much more powerful than princess. lol
    this is lovely my friend!
    isn't this project fun??
    xo

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  4. While evil witches there may be, I think the good old fairy godmothers outnumber them. As I age, all I have to do is look around to find a woman of a certain age (always just a little older than myself) for a wise smile, some considerable sagacity, and infinite patience. May it be ever thus, for all of us.

    Why isn't yoga taught in schools? Perhaps because we'd then know enough to look inside ourselves for the answers about power, instead of sitting with eyes turned to the person in the front of the room.

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  5. My mom fretted over my fondness for wicked witches when I was a kid...Maleficent was much more interesting to me than Aurora, being far more creative in her wickedness. They always got theirs in the end, of course, but sure seems like they had a good time being bad.
    xoxo
    Nancy

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  6. I think we could talk all day Gigi (or I could listen to you all day). Well said and don't fret the 46..........it is surprising what takes the place of youthful prettiness. You will see. It is all good. Much love and great post. XO

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  7. wonderful message - and one that i found is that too often the towers remaining are towers of my own making.

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  8. I agree with Char above here and I have also found that those towers were of my own making. Beautiful, wonderful, awesome, inspiring post, Gigi!!

    I have loved the process of aging because as I've aged I have come into my own as a person and have turned into a version of what I envisioned or wanted to be many years ago, but didn't have the courage.

    Pretty is definitely in the eyes of the beholder and being charming, smart, funny, and creative and caring is the ULTIMATE pretty to me!

    Have a gorgeous day, charming Gigi! xxoo :)

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  9. Yes, we are our own makers of our life and beauty. Lovely post.

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  10. Even tough we have never met, I feel that you are the prettiest women in blog land! (just sayin')

    Great food for thought, Gigi.

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  11. the evil queen, the beautiful princess, the destroyer and giver are all parts of us I think. As one waxes the other wanes...all part of the whole. I must admit it is nice to be of an age where physical beauty is not quite as important...

    I love this series of "Just sit and be pretty"...so many creative takes on the theme.

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  12. Oh, yes, that was interesting! And this comes from a 63 year old bachelor.

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  13. Yes! Your collage and your words ring so true.

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  14. This is quickly becoming my favorite blog! Beautiful artwork!

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  15. gigi i really think your collage says so much to me..pretty is just a word right...

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  16. Gigi, your collage is fantastic. You obviously put a lot of thought into it. I can't stop looking at all these images.
    I agree with you about some of the "older" woman in fairy tales are depicted as evil. Never really thought of that before.

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  17. The collage is so very pretty & I am in drumbeat resonance with the concept of how age/maturity are often so warped & misrepresented. Aging is wonderful, but ya can't tell that to youth; just hold the space & they will ease on in on their own. We create our own ever afters, indeed!!

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  18. I love this collage, the colors and textures, the tower built of luggage, a telling hint to this Rapunzel that she could find her own freedom if she wanted to.

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  19. Gigi, this is amazing! (I have attempted collages, but they end up looking like a bunch of cut up pieces of magazine glued together....nowhere NEAR as artful and creative as this!)
    And your writing....it always makes me want to know you..really know you in person. You make me think, you make me smile, you awaken my imagination, and in this post, I see aging a little bit differently. With more of a sense of power.
    I just adore you Gigi...much love xoxoxo

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  20. Love your thoughts on this challenge. At 49, I'm finding that what is rapidly taking the place of Pretty is Acceptance and Self-Love and Compassion... all of which are far longer lasting and far outshine Pretty anyway!

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  21. "We are the makers of our own ever afters." So powerful. So true. I felt this post in my core. Thank you.

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  22. oh gigi....this was wonderful...you are such a talented writer...this was a joy...

    so Happy to visit here today, my friend

    kary
    xxx

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  23. we are the makers of our own ever afters....OMG....i love that so much !
    oh, and i love your collage, too !

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  24. We are the makers our own ever afters.

    yes, i copied this before i saw that beth had also, but it is so true, so perfect that i pasted it again...
    i have felt so much of what you wrote here, probably we all have, as women, your collage is wonderful, filled with everything that makes a fairy tale...
    p.s., i love your blog, glad to have found you here...

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  25. Smart, funny, creative have served you very well - let's make these the new terms to define 'pretty' shall we?! Thanks for reminding me that we make our our happily ever after!

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  26. Hmm, I will be turning 40 in just over a month's time, and not since I turned 21 have I so looked forward to my birthday (and then I didn't even realise it!)
    With the children the ages they are, this next decade will be mine, and in some ways it feels as though my life is just beginning. And I feel tremendously grateful to be living in the age we do, when I am not expected to dress/behave just like my mother and grandmother (no matter how amazing they are!)
    Gigi, you are incredible, and your beauty shines through not just your beautiful face and eyes, but also your words and your images, and I can tell you, pretty has no substance!!
    Shine on! C x

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  27. As I will turn 40 in the next few months, this post spoke to me. I love how you ended it and couldn't agree more!
    Have a marvelous weekend,
    xx

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  28. love this post. love your collage. i'm in the middle of reading "Fearless Girls, Wise Women & Beloved Sisters", a compilation of fairy tales with wonderful women heroins. love it. you teach fairy tales? this is my dream occupation...i once heard of a professor who had a phD in fairy tales...how/where does one obtain such a lovely degree/occupation?

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  29. I love this post, Gigi, and I have read it several times over. "Pretty is as pretty does" or if you wish, "handsome is as handsome does" is the tape that keeps looping through my brain - an adage I learned many years ago. The "does" is(are?) the caring, the creativity, the humour, the strength and the wisdom that can keep on shining through all our ages for ever after.

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  30. It has been hard to adjust to "you look good for your age" rather than "you look good". Most of the time I just try to do the best with what I've got, but sometimes when I see some young thing wearing a cute halter dress or on the beach...I just hate the fact that I can't dress that way anymore. So for me, it isn't as much about what I see in the mirror...it is about giving up some of the things that I have to because "older women" shouldn't wear them...do them, etc.

    This was a thoughtful post.

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  31. Pretty is a very silly word, unless one is speaking to a flower or a kitten or a small child. It's an immature word, and has none of the depth of 'beautiful'...

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  32. I think you are very pretty inside and Out. yvonne

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  33. Wow you actually made me happy that I am now 50......I think? we are powerful and that is why "they" are scared of us!
    xxx
    Carole

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  34. I agree with Oliag. All the characters in a fairytale are parts of you. Then we don't have to have the limiting meaning of the story as Women, Wait for your Prince. It's more Women, go on your journey, even if you go through the dessert, and find the rest of yourself within. Then maybe there will be a prince on the outside, but the really important work has been done where it matters, inside. Thanks for an interesting post and a gorgeous collage.

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  35. I wish you could see the smile cracking my face. This post is fantastic. Utterly wonderful. Needs to be published in a larger forum. Magnificent! Bravo, my friend. Bravo!

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  36. Gigi, how is it that you find the words to express exactly what I am thinking. Pretty has never been part of my repertoire either, and I would add capable to smart, funny, creative and caring. I for one certainly wouldn't be 'young' again for anything. I've been waiting for the right to fully embody the strength and wisdom that makes up a real woman!! Beautiful is a much better word and it's so much more than appearance. Oh Gigi you so ARE my inspiration.

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  37. Such an interesting post, wise words Gigi!

    I do like your collage.
    xxx

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  38. Lately I've developed a wish to be a dowager or a matriarch, not pretty as such but perhaps with mascara, a cross between Barbara Cartland and Margaret Thatcher with hints of Florence Nightingale. I hope we can still be friends when I achieve that. 43 will be a great age for you, a contemplative bedrock.

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  39. My daughter, who is on the debating team at her school, was given this challenge yesterday: Is it better to be pretty or intelligent? (She got to argue for intelligence, and in her own words, she "annihilated" the competition. Good going for 16, don't you think?)

    The thing about fairy tales is that it was blindingly obvious that the prince fell in love with whoever (Cinderella, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty) at first sight of her beautiful face. There was the clear inference that beautiful face corresponded to beautiful inner self . . . and yet as we grew up, didn't we all discover that it isn't necessarily the case? (In fact, beauty can be a sort of affliction; handicapping women from developing their other qualities.) I like your point about female power; I think that is absolutely true.

    Having said all that, I apply creams and serums to my aging face every night! :)

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